The new Us!

We knew that hair loss was going to be a side effect from chemo.  My sister was holding out hope that I wouldn't lose my hair, because there are some people that don't lose their hair during chemo.  There are a lot of different chemo drugs.  Some cause hair loss.  Some don't.  Mine, causes hair loss, so I wasn't holding out any hope that I would be able to keep it.

I thought that I was okay with losing it.  I never was attached to my hair.  It never was what defined me.  I was never the girl with the most beautiful hair.  It was long.  It was thick.  It was blonde.  But it was just hair. The closer I got to my first chemo treatment, the more sad I became at the thought of losing my hair.  I realized it defined me more than I thought! It was beautiful.  It was a part of me.  It was another thing that made me look like  a woman.

My doctor told me that it would take about 17 days after my first chemo for my hair to be gone.  17 days!  That is quick.  I told Boston that by Christmas I would be bald.  He giggled.  I was a little saddened, not because he giggled, but because I was nervous about what I would look like bald.  On the exterior, I put on a brave face and said all of the strong, uplifting words, but inside I was scared and nervous.

I woke up each morning checking my pillow for any loose hairs.  I nervously brushed my hair.  I watched for those strands to just start coming out.  I was fortunate each morning that I got to style my hair one more day.  I was fortunate each  morning that I woke up with bedhead yet again.

I made it through the first week just fine.  However, it was day 11, Monday, that I noticed few more loose strands.  I thought, "Is this it?  Is this the beginning of losing my hair?"  Tuesday, day 12, I realized that I was losing my hair.  It was coming out in the handfuls every time I ran my hands through my hair.  I was sad.  I was nervous.  I was letting a part of me go.  By Wednesday, day 13, I was losing twice as much as the day before.  My hair brush was full of hair every time I brushed it. This night was Ian's work Christmas party.  I knew I wanted hair for that, so I pulled my hair up in a ponytail to preserve any hair that I could.

 Thursday, day 14, I brushed my hair that morning, and lost as much hair in that one brushing than what I did the day before, and the picture doesn't even do its justice.  So I didn't even wash it this day.  I pulled it up in a ponytail and went to work.  My goal was to get through the work week, so I could deal with having a bald head on my own without having to be to work.  However, with as much hair as I was losing, I decided that we needed to shave it Thursday night.  I probably could have just brushed my hair for an hour and wouldn't have had to shave it, it was coming out that much and that fast!

I wanted the boys to be a part of it, and Olivia to be awake for it, so we did it right after dinner.  The first thing to go was the ponytail.

Then Ian handed the clippers over to the boys to let them have a chance at shaving.  They thoroughly enjoyed shaving their mom's head. :) 

Ian learned how to cut his hair on his mission.  So he has always been the one to cut our boys' hair.  I used to joke that I am going to have him start cutting my hair, because it would be so much easier.  I never thought that joke would actually come to fruition! 

I was still quite nervous as he was shaving my head.  I was afraid I was going to look like my brothers.  My triplet brothers.  My "womb-mates."  I texted this picture to my brother Jason, so see if we actually looked alike.

When my head was buzzed, Blake wouldn't rub it.  He said it was too spiky.  Even after I showered, I asked him to rub my head.  He said "No way." I sat by him in on the couch and asked for a hug.  Again, he said "No way."  He then said, "Mom, I want you to sit over there." and pointed to a chair across the room.  Ian and I thought he was nervous to see me without any hair.  However, after Ian finished shaving my head with a razor, he ran up to me and said "Mom, I want to RUB it!" and LOVED it! :)

Ian is a such a great warrior through this whole process.  This is as much his battle as it is mine.  To show his support for his bald wife, he decided to shave his head as well!  But when heads are shaved, you have to shave a mo-hawk first! ;)

Now during this cold winter, Ian and I are both walking around with bald heads!  I was most nervous about losing my hair because I didn't know what I would look like.  However, I love it!  I'm kinda diggin this bald look, and I don't think I want to buy a wig.  I haven't gone around bald, yet.  I either have a hat, do-rag, or scarf on.  But, I still look like ME!  

Yet again, we are overwhelmed with the love and support as we take on the new challenges of this journey.  Miss Olivia wants to wear a hat, since her Mama is always wearing one.  The boys don't seem to mind our bald heads.  And our friends and family and all of our cancer warriors have loved them as well!  Thank you all so much!