Oh Monday, Monday!

I sit here, in my bed, just after 9 PM, and am utterly exhausted.  It's been a long day, to say the least.  More or less a typical day for most, but a long day for me, for my body, for my mind.  I'm getting used to days like these, but often worry that too many days like today in a row are only going to set me up for some much needed down time.  Oh the joys.  Just trying to get used to my new reality.

I woke up today feeling pumped.  Feeling excited.  Feeling ready to bring on the day.  Then I showered and got myself ready, and got my three kids ready (with the help of my husband), and was ready for a nap!  It takes a lot out of me just to shower and get ready, but I'm hoping that I will start to gain strength and stamina from this repeat process. ;)  I woke up and got ready for the day excited to meet with our Oncology Nurse Coordinator.  I woke up and got ready for the day excited to go back to work!

I had an appointment at 10:00 this morning to  meet with our nurse coordinator.  She was great.  She was helpful.  She is here to support me through this process.  To be my advocate.  To make sure that all of the i's are being dotted and that the t's are being crossed.  She is another person I can turn to when I say, "Huh? What am I suppose to be doing?"  She will be there to help me understand this whole process.  Another person to add to my support team.  Another resource.  I'm very grateful to have met with her today.  I'm fortunate enough to meet with her again.

Today she gave us some more information about the chemo process.  It was helpful.  It was great in the sense that we can try and process the information she gave us today, and then we will get a repeat of the information when we meet with our Oncologist on the 20th, so then we can sit with him better informed and ready to take in a little more information.  It's a lot of information to take in, so the repeats are very, very helpful.
She talked to us about our chemo treatments.  That it will be about 16 weeks.  I will also be getting a weekly dose of Herceptin (which is what fights off my Her2+ cancer cells) for 16 weeks, and then once every three weeks for a year.  She told me that Herceptin shouldn't cause me to lose my hair, so I should hopefully start to see some regrowth end of Spring or early Summer.  We'll see.  I'm really not too worried about the hair loss.  It's all part of the process.
I will also have to have another surgery to get my port put in.  But that doesn't seem too bad, and in fact it's giving me my lifesaving drugs, so I should be grateful. :)  I'm happy that I don't have to worry too much about the port.  Showering is okay.  Swimming is okay.  It doesn't seem to bother a lot of people.  So, we'll see how it goes.  All part of the process, right?
She informed us yet again about the BRCA genetic testing.  She is on the tumor board, so she will also be one to bring it up, but she feels that the is the route we have to take anyway.  With me being so young and contracting cancer, it's just what they test for.  If this test comes back positive, it will result in a bilateral mastectomy plus the removal of my ovaries, because I will have an 80% chance of getting cancer again. So the only treatment that will be different as of right now, if I test positive for this gene, is my radiation therapy.  Because radiation damages the skin so much, it will make it very difficult for reconstructive surgery, so if I am BRCA positive, then radiation will be localized to just my armpit/lymph nodes so I can have a mastectomy with reconstruction.
I got to see what the chemo room looked like.  It will become a second home to me in the next little bit.  I've been told that the chemo treatments are going to take many hours because they do it on such a slow drip to not shock the body.  I don't know for sure how my body will react, so at this point I plan on keeping my job and make a better informed decision after the first round or two of chemo.  As of right now, I've been told that I will receive a round of chemo every two weeks.  It takes until day 2 or 3 for the effects to hit.  The effects will last a few days, and then I can slowly return back to normal.  Then the process starts all over again.  It's only 4 months.  I can do this! We can do this!  It may be the worst four months of my life, but it will all seem like nothing ten years from now when I am bragging how I BEAT CANCER!

I enjoyed my visit with our nurse coordinator.  I then enjoyed a lunch date with my husband.  We went down to the hospital cafeteria and ordered a Turkey Special.  Those sandwiches are divine.  I usually only get them when I have my babies, but thought I'd take advantage today.  It was a good sandwich.  It was better company.  The hubs and I are enjoying our quiet moments together. :)
After lunch we walked over to our surgeon's office.  (I write "our" and "we" a lot.  I guess this is as much as my husband's battle as it is mine.  And yours.  All of my cancer warriors. We're in this together! Thanks for backing me up!)  I needed to pick up a release from her to go back to work.  Fortunately, they had just received the pathology reports this morning.  Even better, she was just stepping out of a patient's room when we got there, so she was able to talk with us for a quick minute.  She told us that the margins came back clear from the second surgery.  Wahoo!  That's what we were wanting.  She did say that she did scrape the skin from where she had removed the lumps, and that did test positive for more cancer.  However, she said that would be expected and that our radiation therapy should take care of it.   So our Monday morning was turning out quite well!  And who says Mondays are horrible, no good, very bad days??? ;)

Then I was off to work!  I was excited to be back with my Crimson View family.  I was excited to be back with my students.  I was excited to get back into some normalcy again.  It would be quite easy for me to say, "Nah. I've got cancer, so I'm just going to lay around and have others take care of me."  But that's not me.  That's not who I am.  And, that also makes me feel as if I was giving up and that cancer was winning.  I refuse to give up.  I refuse to succumb to cancer.  I needed my life back.  I went to work.  I went to work sore.  I went to work swollen.  I went to work bra-less. I went to work!
I did wear a tank-top that has a shelf bra, so there was some support.  I was a little self-conscious at first.  Decided I would just wear my jacket all day to hide myself.  I got hot.  I got really hot.  I took my jacket off and said to myself,  "Oh well.  It is what it is, and everyone around me today is quite understanding of what I had just gone through."  I can't hide.  I can't worry what others will see, or perceive, or judge.  I don't have the energy for that.  I'm going to look different for the next little bit.  I will do my best to not make it absolutely noticeable, but I will not hide.  I guess it is the new me, and all part of the process right?

It was great to be back to work.  I had a lot of  "Welcome Back's!"  and "How are you feeling?"  and
"I am shocked that your are here!"  It was great to work with the students again.  It was great to work with my aides again.  It was great to be back at work.  It was great to receive more left-sided hugs!  I definitely have some catching up to do, but I also know that I have an immense amount of support right now to get me through this battle.

Also on this fabulous Monday, I made some dinner! Yay! It's not the first meal I had made since my surgeries, but it was the first meal I made after such a long day.  It was kind of empowering to cook for my family again.  It really made things feel normal.  Don't get me wrong, I am indeed grateful for the meals we have received.  My counter is overflowing with Tupperware we have to return.  Just wish my brain wasn't so foggy so I can remember exactly who they belong too.  I am also grateful for the meal that is already prepared for tomorrow that was dropped off by a friend tonight.  All I have to do is put it in the oven.  I am grateful for all that we have received.  I am also grateful that I can begin to do more for myself right now.

Our night then ended with a family trip to the grocery store.  Sarcastic, YAY!  It was nice to have the hubs with me.  Now he has a better idea of why when I go grocery shopping without him and tell him that the kids are never ever, EVER allowed grocery shopping with me again.  But we survived, and we have food that I can prepare, so I can continue to cook.  I also bought some nutrition shakes, in hopes to gain some weight and keep some healthy vitamins and minerals in my body.  Our nurse coordinator reiterated how I need to make sure I eat healthy so my good T-cells can grow back quicker.  Wish me luck on stomaching these drinks.  I intend on eating more healthy, but extra calories for me right now will be very beneficial too.

Our Monday turned out to be a long day.  An exhausting day.  But a fabulous day! It's great to feel somewhat normal again.  I am looking forward to going back to work tomorrow, and the rest of this week.  We have a follow-up appointment with our surgeon on Thursday.  So there may be another blog post then, but we've already received the news we were wanting, so I'm not sure.  I have some reading to get caught up on.  I have some sleep to do.  Again, thanks for all of your love and support.

School Pride.
I wear it on Friday's even if I am home recovering from surgery! :)